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Man Accidentally Becomes a Lady

July 3, 2008 in This Just In by Maximus | No comments

Singer and father of 5 claims that he is turning into a woman against his will and begs doctors for help. They have been unable to diagnose Terry Wright’s unusually high estrogen levels.

(could it be from the estrogen he has been injecting into his body? Hate to break it to you, scout, but increased estrogen levels do not mean that you just wake up with golden girls hair.)

‘Tall Trees Staring Me Down’ or ‘Learning to Love the Apocalypse’

July 2, 2008 in Bright Ideas by Maximus | No comments

(Warning, the following post contains a big ol’ M. Knight Shamalan plot spoiler, so if you’re thinking of seeing “The Happening”, don’t read on. If you are thinking of seeing it, I would also try to do so without paying. Minor plot spoiler I can’t really help but mention: The Happening sucks hard.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4fwccFTJIdo

A few good things I can say about “The Happening” right off the bat: 1) The torrential downpour on an otherwise nice brooklyn summer evening thankfully began and ended during the hour and a half I was in the theater. 2) I went to see it with an excellent movie-going cohort and no one seemed to mind our quiet chatter and giggles throughout. It’s not generally a good sign, M. Knight, when the credits on your suspense thriller roll to a theater full of laughter.

In spite of the real crap review that The Happening got on Rotten Tomatoes (19 out of 100, ouch), I was actually really excited to see it, if only for the promise of Mark Wahlberg alone, and had watched the trailer several times. I was also sorely disappointed. It went something like this: One balmy New York spring morning everyone is out and about, walking around central park, and all of a sudden life seems to stop in place. People just suddenly stop whatever they are doing and begin to self-destruct. They are clawing themselves to death, jumping off of buildings, using whatever means possible to kill themselves. Within minutes it becomes clear that it is not an isolated event. The first autopsies reveal that it is some sort of chemical problem. Some wind-borne toxin is causing people’s brain’s to turn off a “will to live” switch. . (yes, the science in this one is pretty top-notch). Soon the “happening” seems to be happening all around the northeast, first mostly in cities, then in smaller and smaller towns, then among large groups trying to escape along the roadways.

Mark Wahlberg (and his obligatory damsel and child) are trying both to escape the catastrophe and figure out what in the nuts is going on. At one point it is suggested that–since biological warfare has pretty much been ruled out for the sheer scale of the happening–perhaps this toxin is being released by the plants and the trees, as they can communicate with one another through the chemicals they release and they can sense the presence of humans. Too bad the harbinger of this (ultimately accepted) theory was the crazy faced nursery owner played by Frank Collison. And no one trusts a man with a lazy eye.

So I won’t completely ruin it by giving away the ending. Suffice it to say that its pretty predictable. “The Happening” in 30 words or less: M. Knight Shamalan doomsday thriller in which he tries to think of as many ridiculous ways in which people could kill themselves as he can. (my favorite: a man attempts to run himself over with an industrial lawnmower. priceless.)

For as crappy a movie as it was, though, I’ve thought about Shamalan’s concept several times after. Doomsday environmentalism is all the rage, and in some ways the plant-revenge-on-humanity-for-all-of-its-damage-to-earth theory seems almost plausible. Moreover, the chemical weapon made by earth that has some destructive power over the brain hits especially close to home. If anything, “The Happening” was rewarding precisely inasmuch as it points out–quite unintentionally–just how apocalyptic our environmentalism is. (see also an especially good apocalypse article from the NY times several months ago) Current predictions about global warming seem to be especially damning. I’ve had to do a bunch of dictation lately for one of our environmental law professors who is writing about new and attempted legislation aimed at reversing the damage that humanity has done to the earth with toxic emissions. The common theme throughout: we’ve really screwed things up royally and if we don’t do something to slow or reverse the process, stat, we’re all going to fall victims to flooding, scorching temperatures, huge natural disasters, etc. etc. And it is worth pointing out that those who are the most in danger of feeling the burden of this first (and indeed they already have) are in the third world.

But as much as I tend to heed apocalyptic predictions and as much as I think there is a lot to be said for trying to live greener and give our progeny a cleaner earth, I think that the environmentalism movement would do well to get a little perspective and take a close look at itself here. Running throughout our damning predictions and calls for change is, i think, a sense of self-righteous paternalism that is short-sighted and has gone for the most part unquestioned. I am reminded of that part at the beginning of Children of Men when Theo is talking to his paleontologist colleague. His colleague is rather nonplussed about the fact that humanity is in it’s last generation, and he points out, quite rightly so, that for all of the billions of life forms that have existed on earth, only some millions are around now, most of them being rather new. There is nothing special about humanity, he notes, who is to say that we’re one of the privileged life forms that gets to survive the earth’s ebb and flow? He calls his perspective “paleontological time.” I find that idea oddly…comforting.

One more thing:
Matt Mays & El Torpedo - Tall Trees